I’m so excited to be going back to Europe– Lisbon in particular. I’ve had horrendous wanderlust for years, and I have not been able to sit in one place for more than three or four years since I was seventeen. I feel different now, though– I know I probably won’t stay in Costa Mesa forever forever, you know, since I’ll eventually go open my own school– but this place feels so much like home. It’s an amazing feeling, being excited to go into the academy and see your students and friends. I haven’t felt the need to get up and move somewhere new; I’ve been completely satisfied to settle down and relax here. It’s new and different. I’m not sure if I’m growing up or if I’ve just finally found a place I kind of fit.
Tonight I was too hangry to roll. Normally cutting is pretty easy for me; I have a long history of horrendously disordered eating that has made me pretty immune to feeling “hungry.” I actually don’t mind the feeling of being a little hungry. I think the worst feeling in the world, on the other hand, is being dehydrated. Regardless, tonight after teaching one bajillion children– some kids seem to want to cram a year’s worth of training in before Kid’s Pans–I just wanted to go home and sleep and I was raging at the fact that I could smell the BBQ from next door. So I was hungry-angry and grumpy and I didn’t want to train but it’s on the schedule, and I’m trying this thing (I think I’ve mentioned it before) where I just do everything that Professor Gui says RE: training, so I went. I’m much happier at home now with my cup of tea after dinner, but hey, I went, right?
The weirdest thing about cutting/dieting the last few times I’ve done it is that I generally don’t feel very hungry. I’m pretty satiated– I just cut all the crap out of my diet, and then my body starts to work in a completely new and different way. I never really eat bad stuff– I honestly can’t remember the last time I had fast food if you don’t count Chipotle–but when I eat cleanly, my body becomes this amazing wrecking machine. If I eat too few calories– it tells me. If I eat too many, it tells me and we have to take a nap, which is often the highlight of my day. If there was an Olympic-level competitive napping team, I would be on it for sure. My apparatus of choice would be the “middle seat on the plane” nap. I napped the whole 10-11 hours to the UK the last time I went over. Can it even be called a nap once it’s into the double digits? Not sure.
Anyway, I have some work to do before bed. Tom left for the UK on Wednesday, and getting back into this awful routine of him sleeping most of the afternoon/evening (for me) is really tough. The time difference makes it so that we have a few hours in the day to communicate, but it’s not the same as having him pretty much living here. It’s very sad and my tea is certainly subpar when my Englishman is gone :(. I always underestimate how much he helps and how much we do together in terms of things like housework and cooking… now I feel like I don’t have nearly enough hours in the day to finish everything I need to do, and man do jiu jitsu gis pile up fast. I’m trying to decide which ones to bring to the UK/Lisbon. I have one of Shoyoroll’s new superlight comp gis, so I’m bringing that and the only blue gi I own. I also have about six black Shoyoroll gis that I never get to wear because… well, hooray for white mats. Maybe the Charles Lew? I also have an oryx in navy somewhere around here. Tom left a ton of his gis here as well so our gi closet looks like a Shoyoroll/Scramble cage match.